


Synonymous

by Moontyger



Category: Xenosaga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Gore, Incest, M/M, Masochism, Referenced Jr./Gaignun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 12:30:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4625445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moontyger/pseuds/Moontyger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Albedo kidnaps MOMO to take the Y data, Jr. goes to meet him alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Synonymous

**Author's Note:**

  * For [boywonder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/boywonder/gifts).



“Ah, Rubedo. So glad to see you accepted my invitation.” Albedo looked up from the Kirschwasser sprawled across his lap and smiled: a genuinely pleased expression more suited to a chance meeting with an old friend than this coerced standoff.

Jr. - no, Rubedo, here with Albedo he would always be Rubedo, all the bits and pieces of the name and identity he'd built over the years falling away, leaving nothing but who he had once been (and, on some level, who he would always be): URTV 666, Albedo's brother. Rubedo stared fixedly at Albedo's face to avoid looking at what his hands were doing. He'd seen the blood at a glance; he didn't need a closer look. “You didn't give me much of a choice.”

“And isn't that a shameful statement! All this time, and you won't visit your brother of your own accord. I'd think you wouldn't _want_ to ignore me. Family is precious, or so I'm told, and there aren't many of us left.” 

Albedo stood, his body unfolding with surprising grace. He ignored the Kirschwasser - no, more than that, he seemed to forget her existence entirely - allowing her to slide from his lap and land on the floor with a dull and sickeningly wet thump. Even then, Albedo didn't so much as glance at her; his violet eyes were fastened on his brother's face as though it were the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen. “I bet you're not so cold to Nigredo.”

Rubedo looked away - not from shame, merely to escape that demanding gaze. But there was nowhere safe to look. The bloody, discarded bodies of Kirschwassers were everywhere, scattered about the floor randomly like toys a toddler had dropped wherever he had happened to be when he got bored of them. “What did you do to them?” He meant to ask it angrily, a demand more than a question, but too much of his horror had crept into his voice for it to have the desired effect.

“Does it matter? They're just toys.” Albedo's voice was suddenly much closer and Rubedo looked up, startled to realize he'd missed his approach. Once, he wouldn't have thought that possible; the link between them had been too strong for either of them to avoid the other's notice.

Albedo was right in front of him now, still staring with the same inhuman intensity, though his expression was strange – not mocking or angry, not any longer. He was staring at Rubedo as though he were the only light in a world gone dark. “They're not the ones I really want to touch.”

Albedo lifted a hand and stroked his twin's cheek, but his fingers were bloody and Rubedo didn't need a mirror to feel the damp streak his touch had left behind. He jumped back, one hand clamped to his face protectively. “Stop that!”

“Why?” Albedo followed him as he retreated, his longer legs easing his pursuit enough that escape was impossible. “Haven't you missed me? You let Nigredo touch you, don't you?”

“Why do you ask things when you already know the answer?” That sounded properly angry now, but Rubedo didn't know who he was more angry with: himself, for coming here alone, or Albedo for being, well, _Albedo_ \- at least the way he was these days. “Nigredo doesn't touch me with his hands all bloody from torturing someone to death!”

“Is that all?” Albedo knelt and wiped his hands on the skirt of the nearest Kirschwasser, then held them up for Rubedo's inspection. “There, all clean.”

“Enough games, Albedo! What do you really want?”

“Why, exactly as I've said,” Albedo replied, in tones of mock surprise. “I've missed you. I wanted to see you again.”

 _I wanted to touch you again,_ he added, speaking through their link instead of aloud. He reached for Rubedo again, burying both hands in his hair, and this time, Rubedo clenched his fists, but he stood his ground and allowed it.

 _Albedo..._ It had always been hard to tell his twin no. Despite everything, despite how radically their situation and Albedo himself had changed, somehow that hadn't. Rubedo was angry and disgusted and yet somehow, it wasn't enough to even make him push his twin away, much less to make him attack him in earnest.

Albedo slid gracefully to his knees, then leaned in to kiss him. _Just like we used to._ Even his thoughts sounded momentarily content, as though he'd meant what he'd said and this was all he really wanted.

 _But things aren't the same. They can't be._

That seemed to merit a verbal reply, for Albedo pulled away and looked at him, lips twisted in the bitter parody of a smile that he seemed to wear so often now. “No? But why not? _You_ haven't changed. Imagine my surprise when I found you! All these years, and you look _exactly the same_.”

“That doesn't matter!” This was familiar ground, which made it safe – at least as safe as any conversation with Albedo about the past could be. 

It hadn't been either the first time he'd gone through it, when it was Nigredo growing taller and leaving him behind. Back then, he hadn't understood why it was happening and it made him feel peculiarly alone, as though he were the one who had been left behind. The first time someone called him the younger brother, forcing him to acknowledge the changes both he and Nigredo had been trying to ignore, Rubedo been furious, but he'd had years to become accustomed to the situation.

“Ah, then you mean it's me who's changed. And whose fault is that?”

What could he say? What words could he offer that could ever make up for what he'd done? Albedo was right: it was his fault and no one else's. He'd broken the link, left the other URTVs vulnerable. He'd left them on Miltia to die. He hadn't meant to or wanted to, but it didn't matter. He'd done it, and they'd all had to live with the consequences.

 _I missed you._ No apologies or excuses, because he had none, just the simple truth. 

_If it bothers you so much, just pretend._ Albedo cut off the rest of it, but Rubedo still heard it. _You're good at that,_ he'd thought, but once again, Rubedo couldn't argue. His entire public life was a lie; he _was_ good at it.

“Just this once then.” _Like we used to._ This time, Rubedo initiated the kiss. He was hesitant at first, but if he closed his eyes, it was surprisingly easy to forget all the reasons he shouldn't be doing this. The doubled sensations that came with touching another URTV, the shape of the lips under his, even the mental taste that he associated with Albedo were all so familiar that everything since that terrible night on Miltia might have been a bad dream.

Rubedo rested his hands on Albedo's shoulders and felt the tension melt out of them under his willing touch. He leaned into it, both leaning down and pulling Albedo closer, used enough to the awkward height difference that it almost didn't bother him.

_Like we used to... You still remember what I like?_

Rubedo froze, then, but while he straightened up, he didn't move his hands or push Albedo away.. _You still want me to hurt you?_

_Isn't that what you came here to do?_

_Not like that!_ And only if he had to, but Rubedo knew his brother – he'd been pretty certain he'd have to.

Which should mean he'd been prepared for it, even if he'd never imagined it quite like this. But while he still didn't want to (and especially not under these circumstances), Rubedo had never been one to back down from a challenge. He'd already come this far; what would be the point of turning back now? He steeled himself, dropped a hand to his side and summoned one of his pistols, then raised it and shot Albedo clean through the shoulder.

Albedo could have avoided it; he'd had plenty of time. But of course he didn't. He didn't bleed much either, or even cry out, though his shoulder jerked backwards from the force of the bullet. Albedo accepted the gunshot in silence, then laughed delightedly as the hole glowed with pale purple light and gradually closed. “Now that's new. But I like it.”

“Good. Then do something I like in return. Let's go somewhere else, where I don't have to look at them.” Rubedo's voice was calm and perfectly steady, but determined.

Albedo laughed again and if this time it had a sharp edge to it, that was only to be expected. “But of course. Anything for you, Rubedo.”

Once upon a time, Rubedo knew Albedo would have meant those words utterly sincerely, without any reservation whatsoever. At the time, it hadn't even seemed strange – it was just how his brother was. And somehow, despite walking through a room filled with the bodies of Realians modeled after a girl he'd once cared for, despite what he'd promised to do with their killer, the craziest thing about all this was that he was pretty sure Albedo still did.

* * *

Rubedo didn't pay much attention to the room Albedo led him to. It was smaller than the previous room, shadowy even with the lights on and, most importantly, empty of anyone else, living or dead, and that was enough for now. The truth was that he didn't want to notice details and then, inevitably, draw conclusions. He should; he should want to understand what Albedo had been up to, or maybe how he'd been living all this time, but after he'd seen what Albedo had done to the Kirschwassers, Rubedo didn't want to know. This man was his twin, the brother whose absence he had thought he'd always feel like the dull ache of an old injury that still pained him when the weather turned, but he was also a monster.

It was remembering the monster that let him shoot Albedo again – twice this time, once in the stomach and once in the thigh. But it was his brother he kissed, with a hunger he'd thought himself long past feeling. As though the two could be so easily separated now, the damage U-DO had caused erased with a kiss, like something from an ancient story. No matter what he looked like or what name he used, Rubedo wasn't so innocent as to believe that things could really be that simple, but for just a little while, he thought he could take Albedo's advice and pretend.

Albedo's face and body felt familiar to his hands, his mouth and even his mind. Of course they did; even the variant URTVs were so similar that he seemed a simple palette-swap of Gaignun and an older version of what he saw whenever he looked in the mirror. He'd always known that this was how Albedo would feel and taste if he ever saw him again. But this wasn't like sex with Gaignun; he couldn't close his eyes and pretend he was back on the Durandal. Gaignun wasn't so insistent; he wouldn't have been unbuckling Jr.'s belt as soon as the door shut behind them, rushing as though he were afraid that without constant stimulation, Jr. would change his mind. He also didn't leave himself open like this, mind as well as body offered like a gift. If Rubedo had wanted to look, he could have taken anything he wanted from Albedo's thoughts – what he'd done and why and what his plans were. All he would have had to do was be unafraid of what he might see.

And Gaignun didn't make soft sounds of pleasure when his earlobes were bitten nearly hard enough to draw blood, nor would he ask to be shot, again and again, as though he enjoyed nothing more than feeling pain and then healing it. For Albedo, each bullet seemed to be a gift. Rubedo didn't argue, not this time. He answered each of Albedo's pleas with his guns, but he thought he'd never understand.

When it came to what he he did to his brother instead of what he asked of him, however, Albedo was gentle. It was easy for Rubedo to trust him, to fist white hair and let his eyes drift closed while Albedo nuzzled him, breath hot against his cock, to feel no fear as his brother finally took him into his mouth and gently sucked. Past and present mingled, present pleasure entwined with and echoed that of the past. His memories or Albedo's, Rubedo couldn't even tell anymore. Maybe those memories had never truly been separate to begin with.

But just when he'd lost himself in the moment, when he'd forgotten himself enough to be practically fucking Albedo's mouth, Albedo pulled away.

_I guess some things have to be different after all. Too bad, Rubedo. You should have let yourself grow._

He wasn't thinking clearly, but the defensiveness of his response was automatic. _What do you mean?_

Albedo answered with an image instead of words, but because it was a suggestion rather than an insult, Rubedo just nodded. _Sure, I can do that._ He turned toward the wall and braced his hands against it, hips lifted and legs spread. Like this, he couldn't see what Albedo was doing, but when had that mattered? When they were this close, he didn't need his eyes to know that.

Maybe that was why Albedo was able to take him by surprise. He was still gentle with Rubedo's body, taking his time with preparation before sliding inside, obviously making an effort not to hurt him. With his mind, Albedo had no like hesitation, pushing inside and taking what he wanted before Rubedo could pull himself together enough to react: all the echoes, all the memories this moment evoked. The times back at the Institute, but Albedo discarded those as soon as he saw them. It was what came after he wanted to see: Nigredo and Rubedo, comforting each other while they were still shell-shocked from the loss of the others. Nigredo, trying to show Rubedo that it didn't matter that only one of them was growing up. Stolen moments on the Durandal, when they were sure no one else would see. 

None of it mattered; none of it was important or even secret, at least not when it came to Albedo. He'd made it obvious he already knew and why wouldn't he? Of course the only two URTVs left had turned to each other. Who else could they trust? But Jr.'s memories were his to give, not Albedo's to take. It made him angry, which might have been the point of it, because it made him want to hurt Albedo in earnest.

Albedo seemed angry, too, though he must have known it all already. He'd always seemed jealous of Nigredo, though Rubedo had never thought it made much sense, and it was clear that hadn't changed. He abandoned gentleness, fucked Rubedo hard and fast, gripping his hips hard enough that he'd have bruises in the shape of Albedo's fingers for weeks. Even when Rubedo blew out his kneecap with a lucky shot, it barely slowed him down.

The terrible thing about it all was that he still enjoyed it. He was furious, both at Albedo and at himself for being so gullible, but his body didn't seem to care; it still responded to Albedo like it always had. Even if Rubedo could have stopped him, he didn't really want to. So he didn't try, even thrusting eagerly into Albedo's hand when he finally let go of one hip to finish stroking Rubedo off.

But after, he didn't let even his lack of pants stop him from confronting Albedo about what he'd done. “Why?” Rubedo demanded, hands on his hips as he glared up at his twin. “Why the hell would you do that?”

“Why didn't you stop me?” Albedo looked smug, obviously entirely pleased with the way this had gone. “You're still the linkmaster. You could have cut the link at any time. It's not as though you haven't done it before.”

Which was probably why he hadn't, though it hadn't been a conscious decision. He'd shut Albedo out once and nearly lost him; even now, he didn't want to do it again. “I didn't think I'd have to,” Rubedo hissed, voice low and thick with a curdled combination of denial and betrayal. 

He looked around for his pants, tugging them on and starting on his boots before he continued. It was past time to get this over and done with. “Where's MOMO?”

Albedo leaned against the wall and watched Rubedo dress with that same smug expression. If he was uncomfortable with any aspect of his own nudity, it didn't show. Not even the cold metal of the wall against his bare skin made him shiver. “Perhaps I killed her.”

“You didn't.” He hadn't looked, not consciously, but he was certain of that much.

“I'm not the only one who looked at things he shouldn't.” But Albedo somehow seemed even more pleased about that, which Rubedo hadn't thought possible. “What if I refuse to hand her over?”

Rubedo finished tying his bootlaces in secure knots and pushed himself to his feet. Now that he'd returned to business, he was starting to remember both who he'd become in their time apart and why he'd become that person, assembling all the parts that made Jr. different from Rubedo in preparation to leave. But while it was Jr.'s cocky grin that he offered Albedo, it was Rubedo's knowledge that he used in his reply. They weren't different people, not really – more like synonyms, different words for the same thing. Like the URTVs had been once, he and Albedo most of all. “If you don't, I won't do this again.”

It was the first time Jr. had seen Albedo look surprised since their first unhappy reunion. He recovered fast, pasting a mocking smile back on his face nearly as soon as it slipped, but he wasn't fast enough to hide it, not from his twin. “Is that a promise?”

“You bet it is. I haven't given up on you.” He was probably crazy not to, especially after what he'd seen when he arrived here, but Jr. meant it all the same. Albedo was still his brother; he couldn't just walk away from him.

“Then take her.” Albedo pressed the button that opened the door, then gestured toward where MOMO lay, unconscious in a corner and hidden behind Kirschwassers.

Jr. knelt to pick her up and winced a little; she was heavy and he was probably going to be sore from this for a few days at least. But he carried her the way he'd carried Nigredo on Miltia: one step at a time.

_Don't forget your promise. If you don't come back soon enough, I'll have to take drastic measures. I'm sure you don't want that._

_Don't worry. I won't forget._ Jr. hesitated, then added the last bit, the part that was only true for the two of them – the part he didn't think anything could ever change. _No matter what happens, you're still the other half of my heart._


End file.
